well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
