my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
