I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
