On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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