When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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