i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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