Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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