During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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