did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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