ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
