If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
