so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
