By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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