You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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