im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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