i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
