he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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