You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
