Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
