I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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