I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
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So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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