Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
