well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
be right there i have to get my cape
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
