fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
