i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
