Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
