that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
