FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
