Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
