Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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