Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
