I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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