We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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