if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
