I wish my penis had an off switch
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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