that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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