I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
