She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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