obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
we should paint friendship bongs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
