1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
