I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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