Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
