Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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