We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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