one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I AM VODKA MAN
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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