Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
