C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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