I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
