chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
