You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He better not be in your backpack
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
