Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
