Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He better not be in your backpack
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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