Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
