I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
