Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize