what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
