if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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