At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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