You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
