Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
