please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
