I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
