you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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